


by starlight alone

by ephemera (incognitajones)



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: F/M, RebelCaptain May the Fourth Exchange
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 08:02:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14540316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/incognitajones/pseuds/ephemera
Summary: “Your report makes it sound like I did something special on Jelucan,” she told him. “It wasn’t that big a deal. Really.”“Hmm?” Cassian looked up. “Yes, it was. That mission only went so smoothly because of you. You deserve the credit.”Shavit, Jyn was definitely blushing.





	by starlight alone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [brynnmclean (ilfirin_estel)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilfirin_estel/gifts).



> Written for the Rebelcaptain May 4 2018 exchange, to the prompt: "Both of them are unused to receiving compliments... so of course one of them starts a Compliment War."
> 
> Brynn, your stories have been delightful and inspirational, and I'm happy to have gotten to know you through fandom. I tried to put as many of your likes into this as possible - I hope you enjoy it!

It started when Jyn had to re-read an old mission report, something she never did (Force, they were so boring) but she had to refresh her memory on how the Alliance cells on Jelucan were set up, and who their last known commanders were. She was skimming through it at lightspeed, flicking past screen after screen of dry verbiage when her eye snagged on her name. She slowed down, backing up to read the whole sentence: _Sergeant Erso’s usual quick thinking was invaluable on this occasion as she pointed out an alternate route which enabled mission completion four hours ahead of the original timeline and with less exposure to Imperial forces_. 

Her fingertips lingered, touching the screen lightly, and her face felt hot. She knew Cassian appreciated her input; even when he disagreed, he never made her feel stupid for suggesting something. But he’d set this down in careful, formal language, ensured that it was spelled out somewhere Draven and other COs, maybe even Mothma or the high command, would see it… She felt strangely shy and exposed. It was—pleasant. To have evidence, not just that Cassian thought highly of her, but that he was willing to put it in writing and say it in front of other people. 

When was the last time someone had said she’d done well? It might have been decades. Jyn had a few fuzzy memories of her mother telling her she was a brave, strong girl for learning to swim in the tides of Lah’mu… Saw hadn’t been much for verbal praise. When Jyn got something right, her reward was a broad smile and a hard clap on the back. 

She looked up at Cassian. He was sitting cross-legged on the floor, tinkering with a small drone and not humming, exactly, but making the tuneless buzz in his throat that she only heard when he was perfectly content. Jyn smiled down at her datapad, tucking her chin into her collar to hide it. Only Cassian would be so happy repairing a piece of junk the Alliance would have thrown out if it had the means to replace it. 

“Your report makes it sound like I did something special on Jelucan,” she told him. “It wasn’t that big a deal. Really.”

“Hmm?” Cassian looked up, the faint noise in his throat dying away. “Yes, it was. That mission only went so smoothly because of you. You deserve the credit.”

Shavit, Jyn was definitely blushing. She could feel the warmth radiating from her cheeks. She looked back down at her datapad and made a show of focusing intently on it, scrolling through the rest of the report and taking notes.

 

Jyn told herself it was stupid, but second thoughts still crept into her head the next day. Had Cassian meant it, or was he just doing it to be, well, _nice_? He was surprisingly polite most of the time, for a soldier; certainly he had better manners than Jyn. When she counted up all of the hours and days they had spent together, it still came to an astonishingly low number. She might feel like she knew Cassian, bone-deep—but that didn’t mean she was right. 

It wasn’t the kind of question she could ask anyone, either… then she thought of Kay. He found everything she did strange, and didn’t really have a concept of personal privacy. She could ask him almost anything about Cassian, and as long as it didn’t involve classified information, Kay would probably tell her.

So she did.

“Cassian is not in the habit of saying things he doesn’t mean,” Kay said in his clipped tone of habitual offense.

Jyn snorted. “Bantha shit, he lies all the time.”

“Not often to his comrades, nor while he’s not on a mission. I have spent much more time with Cassian than you and I’ve analyzed his speech patterns. He lies most often by omission or indirection. When he makes a direct statement, it is overwhelmingly likely to be true, at least in the sense that he genuinely believes it.”

“Huh.” Jyn rolled that idea around in her head for a moment. Kay did understand Cassian better than probably anyone else. And he had a point; now that she thought about it, Cassian preferred to avoid telling direct lies. He hadn’t even lied to her face on Eadu, when denying that he’d been ordered to kill her father would have been the easiest thing for him to do. Not that she’d have believed him, but still. 

“So if he compliments you on something, however unlikely, it is probable that he is being sincere.” 

Kay bent his blocky head down and his optical sensors flickered as he regarded her more intently. He was probably analyzing her physical reactions to figure out why she was asking. Jyn really didn’t want Kaytoo to start drawing conclusions. She tried to distract him by asking “How about you? When you told me I was unpredictable, was that a compliment?”

“No.” Kay’s response was flat and quick. “That was a simple statement of fact. I would prefer you to be more predictable so that my statistical models of your behaviour were more accurate. I suppose I’ll have to continue collecting data until I have a better model.”

“I guess you will.” Jyn smiled at Kay. 

He wasn’t so bad, most of the time. She’d still rather walk over hot coals than tell him that, because it would validate his damned statistics. But they had goals in common (like keeping Cassian alive and as whole as possible) and enjoyed similar activities (like throwing grenades at Imperial troopers). Partnerships had been built on less.

 

Over the next week, Jyn spent more time thinking about that single sentence than it deserved. Cassian had probably forgotten all about it already. But someone saying nice things about her was a novelty, and she wanted to repay him somehow, or at least return the acknowledgement.

She still hadn’t worked out what she could do yet when one morning in the mess Bodhi asked about her holster. “I thought it was broken. Didn’t you say you needed a new one?”

“It was, but Cassian fixed it,” she said, absently running her fingers along the mended leather strap wrapping around her thigh. Then it hit her—this was the perfect opening. She glanced up to make sure that he was within earshot. “He’s good at that,” she added deliberately, raising her voice just a touch. “Much more patience than I have for the fiddly bits.”

Cassian didn’t blush, but blinked and raised his cup to his mouth to take a careful sip of caf, which for him was the equivalent of rocking back on his heels. Jyn blinked back, smugly pleased that she’d caught him completely off guard.

Unfortunately, Bodhi seemed to have noticed that too. “Good with his hands, is he?” he said, even louder and more distinctly. He winked at her and Jyn wanted to dive under the table. 

She hadn’t known whether anyone else was aware of what she and Cassian were getting up to, because it involved a certain amount of stealth and neither of them were very demonstrative (at least in public). Even though half-shy, half-hungry kisses were as far as they’d progressed… she’d thought about more. A lot. And she was pretty sure Cassian had too.

She wasn’t sure whether either of them wanted other people to know; a spy didn’t seem like the type to appreciate other people knowing his business, and Jyn knew she wasn’t. But Bodhi’s teasing showed her that at least one other person had caught on. 

She sputtered and Bodhi grinned, at least until she poked him in the ticklish angle of his ribs. Cassian did nothing but calmly take another sip of caf, but she caught the curve of a half-hidden smile behind the rim of his mug.

 

The next time could have been just as deliberate on his part—or maybe not, because Cassian didn’t seem to know she was there. Jyn was in the cramped changeroom of the PT facility, getting ready for her first hand-to-hand class with the latest batch of recruits, when she heard Cassian’s voice echoing through the space outside. He must have walked in in the middle of a conversation with someone else; after a muffled, indistinct noise from the corridor, the first thing she heard clearly was his puzzled voice asking “Why would I worry about that?”

“Come on, Andor!” The other person laughed. It sounded like Kes Dameron; she didn’t know him well but he seemed to be familiar with Cassian, at least enough to joke with him occasionally. “I know Erso’s tough, but look at her. If she weighs 60 standard soaking wet with a loaded backpack, I’ll eat Shara’s A-wing. And Gillick is no pushover, they’re fast for a Barabel.”

Cassian made a small, noncommittal noise of disagreement. “Have you seen Jyn in the field? Because I have. Trust me, she can handle them.”

Jyn wasn’t sure whether she wanted to hear more. So she chose that moment to appear around the corner, while she was still wrapping her left hand in careful loops between her fingers and around her wrists. “Nice to know I’d have one person betting on me if this was a real fight.” 

Cassian didn’t startle, but the careful lack of reaction on his face combined with the swift jerk of his head told her he really hadn’t known she was listening. “Oh, not just _one_ person,” he said seriously. His eyes were laughing, though. “I’m pretty sure Bodhi would put money down on you too.”

“Hey, if Rook’s betting on her, that’s a whole other story!” Kes elbowed Cassian. “He’s a shark. And he’s not influenced by wanting to stay on his girlfriend’s good side. No offense, but you’re not exactly an impartial judge of her skills.”

Cassian rolled his eyes at Kes and Jyn laughed. She wasn’t sure she liked the word “girlfriend,” but giddiness bubbled up in her to hear someone else make a connection between the two of them that Cassian didn’t deny. Feeling brave and daring, she curled her hand around Cassian’s wrist as she passed by and brushed his cheek with her lips. 

She didn’t turn her head to watch his reaction but his sharp, almost silent intake of breath satisfied her. 

 

The next time, she got the chance to talk Cassian up in front of General Draven.

“Captain Andor made the shot.” Jyn hesitated, but the knowledge that what she was about to say was no more than the truth encouraged her to add a further editorial comment. “I don’t think anyone else could have.”

Cassian emitted a tiny cough, letting her know that he thought she was exaggerating, but Jyn shrugged. It was just a fact. “He’s one of the best snipers I’ve ever seen.”

“My experience is rather more extensive than yours, Sergeant Erso,” Draven said dryly. “But as it happens, I agree. Andor had the natural advantages of good eyesight and a steady hand, but years of training and practice have made him quite likely the best shot in the Alliance.”

Cassian remained perfectly still beside her, but his hands twitched once behind his back and she could practically feel intense embarrassment radiating from him. She glanced over and saw a dull red flush creeping up the side of his neck. Well, if Draven agreed with her, then he was definitely the best shot in the Alliance. She wondered if there were any way to prove it to Cassian.

“Do you ever hold competitions?” Jyn asked. “The Partisans used to have informal shooting rounds on the range, see who could get the best score. I thought maybe the Alliance had some kind of inter-squad thing.”

“It’s been suggested but never instituted.” Draven studied her curiously. “I suppose we could consider trying it. You feel it would be good for unit cohesion, Erso?”

Jyn shrugged again. “No idea. I was more interested in winning money, I could use the spending credits.”

Cassian didn’t laugh out loud, of course, but she knew he was holding one in. If she looked over she’d find his cheek folded into a crease in the way that always brought out her smile in return, made her want to press her lips to his and taste his happiness.

“A laudable goal.” Draven looked from her to Cassian and back and sighed. “Dismissed, both of you. We’ll discuss the role of friendly competition in morale-building another time.” 

 

Whatever this stuff that Baze had liberated from the garrison was, it was potent. Jyn didn’t dare have more than one glass, and even that much left her flushed, feeling warmed all the way through and almost giggly. It didn’t help that Bodhi was doing his best impression of his nemesis, the head X-wing maintenance technician, mimicking Corporal Ilki’s affected way of talking and making her laugh helplessly. When he stood up and pretended to be the offended party giving Bodhi a ticking off for getting a scorch mark on the nose of his craft, Jyn fell against Cassian’s warm side, laughing until she had to turn her head and smother it in his sleeve.

He slipped his arm around her, secure at her back. “I like it when you laugh,” he said, low and soft for her ears only. He touched the upturned corner of her lips with a finger tip, smiling as Jyn lifted her chin and pretended to snap at it. “It’s nice to hear someone happy. And you have a lovely laugh.”

Jyn would never have thought that someone complimenting her on the way she laughed would make her want to writhe in half-pleased embarrassment. She didn’t blush, she’d swear it on her mother’s crystal, but she had to duck her head into Cassian’s chest to hide her face for a moment. She felt his lips brush over her hair, light and elusive as a whisper, and burrowed further into his side. 

Cassian hadn’t had any more to drink than Jyn, and he had at least ten kilos of mass on her, but he seemed to be just as loose and relaxed as she was. Maybe it was partly the novelty of having friends around them, people who had been with them through the worst and whose loyalty had been proven in fire. People who were as close to family as she had now. 

“Did you know you have freckles on your ear?” he murmured. His breath stirred loose strands of her hair when he spoke. Jyn knew very well she had freckles—the curse of pale skin and UV radiation—on her shoulders and her chest and across the bridge of her nose, but she’d never had anyone close enough to notice the faint spots on the tips of her ears. “I like those too.” He drew his lips along the curve of her ear, dotting a kiss on each mark that only he could see. 

Jyn hummed in pleasure and rubbed her cheek against his chest. But despite the way Cassian’s touch made her whole body vibrate, it had been a very long and tiring day. A huge yawn erupted from her before she could catch it. “Sorry, I think Baze’s hooch is catching up with me.”

Cassian folded his other arm around her loosely, wrapping her in a hold that felt like a warm, soft blanket. “If you need to sleep, go ahead.”

Jyn meant to stay awake, she really did. She didn’t want to miss any of this time with her friends. But she fell asleep to the sound of Chirrut and Bodhi’s ragged harmonies as they sang something in Jedhan, Baze’s rumbling protest that this was no time for a concert, the steady rhythm of Cassian’s chest rising and falling under her cheek.

 

The only ones unaffected the next morning were K-2 and Baze (and Chirrut, because he didn’t drink). Bodhi was cranky, Jyn had a mild headache, and Cassian seemed out of sorts. He didn’t stay for breakfast in the mess, just showed up to grab a larger mug of caf than usual and go back into a strategic planning session with Draven and Cracken.

By mid-afternoon, Jyn had a few free hours following her hand to hand class and she still hadn’t seen Cassian, so she stopped by his quarters to check. She rapped her knuckles on the door and pressed her palm on the lock plate; it opened to her hand, and she saw him sitting at his small desk, still reprogramming the same broken drone. He looked up at her and set down his datapad, the hint of a smile hovering on his lips. 

Jyn opened and closed her mouth. She didn’t even really know why she was here. She’d just gotten to the point where she had become used to seeing Cassian every day; not always, and not always at the same time or place, but often enough that it was his absence rather than his presence that was the break in her routine. Even when he was on missions these days, it was with her and the rest of Rogue One as often as not.

Without even realizing it, she’d come to rely on him. Bodhi, Kay, Chirrut and Baze too, but Cassian was the one she looked for first, and had ever since their steps first fell into sync in the marketplace of niJedha. 

She shook her head in momentary disbelief, and Cassian stood up so swiftly that the legs of his chair squealed across the floor. An instant of pain at the sudden movement flickered across his face like a shadow. “What’s wrong?”

Jyn took three long strides to him and locked her arms around his waist, pressing her face into his shirt and her fists into the small of his back where the pain lurked. “Nothing. I just wanted to see you.”

He relaxed in her embrace and rested his cheek against the crown of her head. “Oh.”

“Are you busy?” He had other things to do, she didn’t want to monopolize his time… she leaned away and loosened her grip.

“No.” His arms came up to hold her in turn, pulling her back into his body. “Your timing is good—I could use a break, I was starting to go cross-eyed.”

Jyn tilted her head up, frowning at the lines of strain on his forehead and the tension around his mouth. He did need a break. She touched her lips to his softly, working from the centre of his bottom lip out to the corner of and back again. When she rubbed against the grain of his beard, it was prickly; when she moved with it, it was surprisingly soft. His lips were soft but a little chapped, catching on the swell of hers. A little hum of satisfaction built in her throat, and she teased his mouth open with her tongue. 

She flattened her hands at the small of his back again and pressed them up his spine, cradling his shoulders, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. When she drew back for a moment, her breath was thick and loud in her lungs. Cassian stroked his thumb along her cheek, pushed her hair away from her temples and Jyn turned her head into the caress, rubbing her cheek along his palm. Her pulse was already jumping in her veins, running bright and hot. 

She took a deep breath. She trusted him. She wanted him. She could ask him. “Can I stay for a while?”

“Yes.” His voice was rough and he swallowed quickly. “Of course.”

Jyn turned, drawing Cassian in a circle with her, and moved backward toward his bed. When the back of her knees bumped into it, she hesitated for an instant and then, before she could decide whether it was too forward to yank him down on top of her, he leaned down to kiss the tip of her nose. “Lie down with me for a little while?”

Jyn nodded. She sat, and took off her boots, and pulled her legs up to lie on her side, watching Cassian unlace his boots. He laid on his side, mirroring her pose, and their hands met in between, linking tight. Their knees bumped, lightly, and she used their knotted hands to pull herself closer, her mouth hovering so close to his that she could feel his breath. She couldn’t meet his eyes like this, didn’t want to stare at him too intently, but she watched his face soften as the tense lines between his brows smoothed out. 

It was harder to kiss him like this, unless—she wormed closer and placed one hand under his cheek, tipping his chin up. As soon as their lips touched again, sparks flared along her skin. She loved kissing him like this, in a lazy, sensual haze of communion and communication: her lip catching on the roughness of his stubble, the way he tasted, his tongue sliding against hers and making her shiver with the anticipation of how his mouth would feel on other places. Their bodies drew closer imperceptibly until they were wound around each other, slotting into place like an interlocking puzzle, even their feet tangled together. 

Jyn didn’t want to pull away, didn’t want to stop kissing, but she had to breathe. She drew back reluctantly, keeping her lips hovering just a whisper away from his. She didn’t understand how just kissing Cassian made everything in the galaxy seem right, because Force knew it changed nothing… but the sense of security it gave her was strong, even if it was illusory. 

His arms tightened around her, just a little. “Stay a bit longer,” he murmured, nuzzling her cheek. 

“I'm not going anywhere.”

Now that she’d given him her answer, Cassian’s kisses were swift, intent, and searching—as though now that he knew what she wanted, he wasn’t holding anything back. Jyn would have expected him to be slower, more tentative, but maybe it wasn’t surprising: all of their careful overtures to each other had already been made. They’d spent enough time going slow. She let out a breath and abandoned her own nervousness, trusting Cassian to give her what she needed, to ask what she wanted. 

 

It was like the powerful waves that had rolled over her on the shores of Lah’mu, almost frighteningly intense. She couldn’t feel anything but the surging pleasure of her body; her bones were liquid, her muscles limp. (Holy fucking Force, she’d been reduced to metaphors for sex. She couldn’t catch her breath, or she’d have laughed.)

Cassian slid his hands up from her hips, along her torso, bracing them along her ribs and helping to hold her upright, and turned his head to kiss her wet thigh. 

“Ah—ah, stop…” she gasped, managing to wiggle away and lie down beside him. She was still twitchy and shivering, nerves overloaded with sensation; Cassian pulled her into his chest and his hands travelled up and down her back in long, calming strokes. “Okay?” he asked.

Jyn rested her head against his shoulder and sighed, her nose brushing his throat. "Do I need to tell you?" 

"Tell me what?" 

Cassian’s hands clenched on her waist, and Jyn had a moment of anger at herself when she realized she’d scared him. She kissed his thumping pulse point in apology. "How good you feel. How much I loved that."

Did he know what he did to her? She hoped so—it seemed like he must, given the obvious way she couldn’t help responding to his mouth, his fingers. Force, just the way he looked at her sometimes was enough to make her her pulse beat thick and heavy. But she wanted to be sure. 

“You don’t have to,” he said hoarsely. “But I like hearing you say it.”

“Mmm.” She mouthed more kisses up the warm column of his throat, feeling his chest rise and fall quickly underneath her. “Then I will.” 

Jyn couldn’t think of any way to be smooth or suave about what she wanted to say. But then, Cassian already knew she wasn’t either of those things, and he didn’t seem to mind. “I never liked it much. Before,” she said abruptly. “You know. Even when it was someone who knew what they were doing, it was just too…” she trailed off. Too intimate—too vulnerable. Too dangerous. But she didn’t need to say that. Cassian could read between her lines; he’d know what she meant. Besides, she hadn’t brought it up to talk about herself. 

“It’s different with you, somehow. I don’t know how or why.” That wasn’t true; she knew it was different because she trusted him. Maybe even loved him, though she couldn’t quite bring herself to say that out loud yet.

He might have heard her silent meaning anyway; the light of hope in his eyes looked like sunrise. She smoothed the hair off his face, kissed his forehead and then tipped her brow down to rest against his. She closed her eyes and breathed him in, brushing her thumbs over his cheekbones, breathing against his lips, warm and close, until she felt his whole body relax. He kissed her again, on the tip of her nose, the apple of her cheek, along her cheekbone until he reached her ear.

Jyn yawned and turned over on her side, shoving backward until her back rested against Cassian’s chest and her hips were cradled in his. He pulled her hair out of the way gently, ensuring non of the tangled strands were caught, before he wrapped his arm around her waist and rested his chin on the top of her head, enveloping her in a way that ought to have set off all of her alarms. Instead she felt sheltered rather than surrounded. 

He sighed and tucked his head down closer against hers. “I’d like you to stay,” he whispered into the nape of her neck, his beard catching on the fine hairs there. “Not just because I want you. But because I want to be able to give you something. Whatever you need.” 

“Then you have to let me do the same for you.” She linked her fingers into his where they rested on her hip and drew his hand up between her breasts, pulling his arm tighter around her. “A fair trade.” 

She wanted to stay with him, shoulder to shoulder, or at his back when that was what he needed. In the end, they were still at war, and there was little enough she could expect to keep for long. All they had was what they could hold, and Jyn was going to hold on to Cassian: her compass, her companion and lodestar.

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from Sarah Harmer's [Lodestar](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEheP30Pw9Q), which I listened to a lot while writing this piece.


End file.
